First Puff

'Why did i quit smoking?' I have asked myself this question several times especially during a cold night or while taking shelter at any random place on a rainy day. The cracking sound of a match stick or tick sound of a lighter or whif of tobacco in the air is enough to bring back the urge. I stayed as a non-smoker during my teenage-hood. I used to just move away if anybody just strike a matchstick to light a cigarette around me and if i could still smell it even after moving then I will start to swear about them to myself or to whomever is around. 

For me the smoking habit started all of a sudden, as i dashed out of the office one day fully frustrated. Entered the premise next to office, which had a mini restaurant and just adjacent to it is a tea shop. 'Oru Kings Kudunga', I said and handing out a ten rupees note to the shopkeeper. Even before collecting the change, took the wax matchbox and placed the cigarette on lips. Tongue touched the cigerette butt and it tasted sweet. Sweet butt i thought to myself. It reminded me about an incident that happened during college. That was when i don't smoke so I self-entitled myself as a saviour of smoking  people used to tell them  it to stop. One of my college buddy, whenever i advise him to quit smoking he used to tell he got used to this honey taste so much, that it makes him feel like smoking it often. I got irritated one day and told him 'why not you just drink honey instead of licking off honey from the cigerette's butt'.

I felt jittery as I had a cigarette butt in my mouth now, beginners anxiety may be I thought to comfort myself. I lit a match stick and took the cigarette close to it. The smell of burning phosphorus filled my nose and flame from the match stick burnt the nose tip. Reflexively tilted my head upward while maintaining the flame intact with the cig. Kept it intact for a while, moved it left and right and the match stick got burnt half way through but the cig was barely lit. Just then it struck my mind that I have to inhale to light up the fillings. Inhaled. My first active puff of nicotine. Lighted end appeared glowing red. But before that image could register in my brain i felt a rush from within, an involuntary urge to cough as the hot smoke of nicotine travelled across my larynx, through the wind pipe into the trachea, but they refused to accept the new entry. I fought off the urge to cough by controling it within so not to embarrass myself infront of shopkeeper. Eyes moistened. The match stick got fully burnt and it hurt the thumb. Surge of potassium hit the brain synapses and the pain was instantaneous. Threw away the match stick in reflex and pressed the thumb with index finger. All these happened in a matter of just few seconds. I let out the smoke as I placed the match box back, a good portion of the smoke deviated near the throat and came out of nose, burning the internal and external nostrils on its way out and kissed left eye as it go up. Burning sensation on the eye now because of the hot smoke and more moisture in eyes now. 

So to summarise what all is burning - cigarette, thumb, nose both outside and inside, nose tip, throat, wind pipe, lungs, and left eye. I turned my face away so the shopkeeper won't notice, drop of warm tear rolled down left cheek.